Mommy Wars

I am as competitive as it comes. Put me in a game or situation where someone comes out a winner and I come alive. I trash talk, strategize, and bend the rules like the best of them. And while it has taken years to get here, I am a good sport as well. And, I don't win every time, which is the reality of life. 

There is a time and a place for being competitive. Parenthood is not that place. 

I always thought that women were the worst toward each other. Constantly comparing, judging, tearing each other down, and making the smallest things a competition. Women, for the most part, are quite horrible to each other. I have always tried to surround myself with women who build each other up, support each other, cheer each other on, and who I enjoy being around. When I became a mother, I was particularly happy with the people I chose to surround myself with. 

I thought I had seen the worse. I thought I knew just how horrible people, particularly women, could be toward each other. I was wrong. 

I feel like when it comes to parenting, people get particularly defensive. This can manifest itself in so many ways. One of the biggest ways it shows up is in what I call, "Mommy Wars."

When I was pregnant, I was invited to join a few "groups" on Facebook for mothers of all types. There was a breastfeeding group, a natural mom group, a baby wearing group, you name it - there was a group for it. At the present time, I only follow one: a general mom group with all types of mothers who (gasp!) actually get along! The miracle of finding a group like this is not lost on me. After months of enduring "this is the only way to do things - any other way is detrimental to your child and they will never recover" - I couldn't take it any longer. Not only did I find myself judging other moms who did things differently than myself, but I was judging myself and questioning all of my instincts! 

Newsflash: all children are unique.

Yes, there are some things that one probably should avoid when raising a child - but for the most part, there is no wrong way to parent. If you are even in a group like that on Facebook, chances are you are doing a great job. You care. If you care, you are a great parent. If you are doing the best you know how for your child, you are amazing! If you are showing up for your kid each day - my hat is off to you! 

Once I started trusting my instincts and stopped paying attention to all the "parenting experts" I started to relax a little. When I stopped being a "know it all" parent, I started listening to the sage advise of those who have done this before.

Listen, we are all trying our best, why can't we just support each other instead of tear each other down? I'm waving the white flag.