Unpredictable Emotions

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I wrote my Mother's Day blog in advance of the day. And truthfully, I didn't know what kinds of emotions would present themselves on the actual day. 

I am very aware that certain holidays that we celebrate began as one thing and over the years have evolved into something completely different. But, for me, the Hallmark holiday that Mother's Day has become was surprisingly meaningful for me. I found myself having some wonderfully reflective moments. 

Last year, I was 8 months pregnant and eagerly awaiting the arrival of the little baby growing inside of me. Nervous and excited all at the same time, I was unaware of the journey ahead of me. I have seen many women in my life birth and raise children around me, I had a sense of what it might look like and the logistics of motherhood - but there is something about motherhood you just don't understand until you are living the journey. 

I hate to say that for fear of exclusion. I know there are many out there who would give anything to be on this journey. I don't want this to come across as condescending or a "members only" type statement. I would have hated reading this blog a year ago. In fact, I have already written about this type of feeling before. 

However, as I took in the moments with my 11 month old daughter as we observed Mother's Day, I recognized how meaningful my relationship with her actually is to me. She can't speak to me with words, but we communicate and understand each other. She depends on me for so much physically still, and yet I see her unique personality every day and I am amazed that this little part of me is her own individual. 

My eyes filled with awe-filled tears multiple times Sunday as my heart burst with gratitude at the honor of being entrusted with the care and upbringing of Ella. I am truly humbled to be assigned the duty of being her mother.