Three

The days of being a family of three are coming to an end, and I have so many mixed emotions around it all. 

I love my family of three. Watching Ella interact with her daddy - their special bond. The three of us cuddled in bed on the weekends. It is bitter-sweet knowing these days are numbered. 

But then I think of Ella having a sibling, of having two girls grow up together so close in age. Knowing they will always have each other. That I am giving them their family. 

I also have been a little nervous - feeling less than prepared and a little anxious to have a newborn again. Ella has become so independent and helpful around the house, and I think I have a little bit of a memory problem remembering all the work it takes to care for a newborn. 

And then I watch Ella play with her dolls, holding them and caring for them as if they were her baby. And I get excited for how she will be as a big sister. And to see her little sister look up to her. 

See? Mixed emotions - about everything! Throw in crazy pregnancy hormones and you have a little bit of a scattered mama over here. I even ugly cried during a comedic movie the other day. These emotions are out of control. 

But, among all the back and forth feelings I have managed to be somewhat intentional in these last weeks as a family of 3. Yes, we have planned big fall outings and fun things to experience as a family but that is not all there is to enjoy. I have chosen to take in the small moments and try not to let them pass me by just because I am exhausted (sometimes the couch sounds amazing at the end of a long day). But, if my daughter wants to go out back and play on the swings, it means so much more. Picking produce from our garden, showing Ella how we prepare those vegetables into something she can snack on (this got her to eat carrots the other day - a miracle!), taking a walk to the park, rolling around on the floor in her room acting silly... these are the moments I am taking in as we prepare for big changes. 

Adding this child has been our dream for quite some time - but now that reality has sunk in and we prepare for this reality - I am holding tight to these last days before 3 becomes 4. I know it will be amazing.