Infertility Series: Expectation vs. Reality
If there is one thing I’ve learned about trying to manipulate my expectations into reality it is this: don’t.
Here’s
the thing; expectation doesn’t turn into our reality unless
we somehow manipulate it or have incredibly good luck. I could go in several different
directions here, but for the purpose of this blog, I’m going to focus on
motherhood, specifically infertility.
Around
the time I graduated high school, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian
Syndrome (PCOS), which can cause, among many other devastating symptoms –
infertility. The thing is, when you tell
an 18 year old virgin that she may struggle to get pregnant someday, that 18 year
old is like, ok… what? I proceeded to
file that little piece of information way back in my brain for a much later
date.
Now, I
don’t know if that little slice of information was in my subconscious or if
somehow my spirit just knew; but as I began to witness my girlfriends marry and
have babies, I was always so excited for them. And I would dream of my wedding
day - Who would I marry? What dress would
I wear? What vows would I say? Who would my bridesmaids be? What kind of wife did
I want to be? But I never dreamt of baby showers or baby names or fantasized
what it would be like to have a life growing inside me. Looking back, I think I knew in my heart of
hearts it was never going to happen. And you what? I wasn’t sad about it. I was actually more sad thinking that no
man would ever want to marry an infertile woman in her thirties. As a young girl, I just assumed that I would
be a wife and a mother someday. I
completely took for granted that there could be circumstances beyond my control
that may negate one or both of those from coming to fruition.
That’s
the thing about unmet expectations, one of two things generally happens: you
let yourself wallow in the disappointment, become a victim, live there forever, miserable and angry…
Or
You
embrace your reality and find the joy, hope, and purpose that exists
in the people and the places you didn’t even realize were out there just
waiting for you and the specific blessing that only you could bring to them and
them to you. You see, that’s where
reality wins. Every.Single.Time.
I want
to share some of the joy that came from my unmet expectations…
- · I spent most of my 20’s ‘mothering’ my Jr. High girls from my church who are now young women in their thirties themselves whom I’ve had the divine pleasure of attending their bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, etc… I’ve shared in their joys and their sorrows and even though I’m not their biological mother(s), I love them fiercely and I tease their moms that I’ve gotten to share some of the blessings without the financial commitment or the discipline! (They usually laugh with me, I think!!) Incidentally, one of ‘my girls’ is Christi; hey girl!
- · Before I met my husband – I had arrived at a place where I had become ‘fully free’ in that I understood my value as a person, a woman, and as a daughter of the king. I was perfectly and wholly complete on my own and knew that a husband would simply be an incredible addition to an already fabulous life. I married my wonderfully kind and generous husband Ken, in 2009. Ken was exposed to a chemical weapon during the Gulf War in the 90’s which affected his fertility. Knowing before we were married that we wouldn’t have the stress or struggle of testing or wondering or disappointment every month has been very freeing in our marriage.
- · I feel like this blog may come off like a real downer for some because not being able to have kids is normally such a sad story. But you guys, it's okay! We weren’t supposed to be parents! How counter-intuitive is that? Ken and I have true JOY in living the life that we’ve been given – our reality. We actually have a very big dream that I would ask you to pray for if you’re the praying kind. We have a vision for a Boy’s Town-esque home for single pregnant women who need a place to live. It’s a vision Ken has had for years and I’ve joined him in this vision and we’ve been praying for what seems like forever and I don’t know if it will ever come to fruition but sometimes I wonder if this vision is one of the reasons we haven’t had our own children; so we can be free to minister to hundreds of mothers and their children. I don’t know about you, but I get excited when I think and pray about it!! Will you join me?
I’ll
leave you with this: having big dreams, big expectations isn’t wrong or bad…
just don’t hang your hat there and insist that this is how it has to be or you
may miss out on the most incredible, most perfectly imperfect life that you
would have never expected… your reality.
Thanks
for reading,
Mindy
Mindy Dann loves connecting
with people. This may explain how she’s survived a nearly 20-year career in
Human Resources. She loves to travel (any beach will do) and she recently
started a blog of her own focusing on her ‘imperfect journey to a healthy lifestyle.’
You can find her blog here: www.everyBODYsdifferent.
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