Weight Wars

I am not happy with my weight. 

I said it. I went there. I have been fighting the mental battle about my fluctuating weight far before ever getting pregnant. My body journey is a long one and it is no where close to being over. 

In early 2011 I hit my highest weight ever. I hated the number I saw on the scale. So, I decided to do something about it. I had recently started dating Aaron and he was a runner and was going to sign up to run the Omaha half marathon that September. With his encouragement, I signed up to run the 10k. We installed the MyFitness Pal application on our phones and set out to train for the run, watch what we ate and lose a little weight. Slowly but surely the number on the scale went down. By the time of the race in October I had lost 30 pounds. Over the next year I lost another 5 and maintained that weight loss. By the time of my wedding in October, 2012 I weighed around 130. The lowest of my adult life. 

After we were married, we maintained MyFitness Pal and kept taking on more 5k runs and getting to the gym on a regular basis. I ran my second 10k in September, 2014 and I weighed probably around 135. 

That October we found out that I was pregnant! Calorie tracking went out the window but running didn't. I ran in three 5ks while pregnant - the last one when I was 32 weeks pregnant. I tried to stay active and even registered for a 5k a mere 11 weeks after Ella was born. I didn't want to fall into the trap that so many mothers fall into.  

While pregnant I gained about 40 pounds. Topping out at 175. At first, nursing helped me drop 20 pounds in the first 2 weeks. Combine that with training for the 5k, I got down to around 145. To lose those last 10 pounds, I signed up to run my first half marathon ever. It had become increasingly difficult to find the time and energy to get to the gym. It felt like so much work to count every single calorie I ate so I lost track of what I was putting into my body. And I then stopped nursing and gained 10 pounds in a month. And then I gained more. 

When I started my training schedule for the upcoming half marathon in October, the scale topped out at 166. Higher than the number that was on the scale in 2011. 

I hate seeing pictures of myself these days. I know that I shouldn't care about what I look like. I know that this body is a result of so many things and that I should be proud of what it has accomplished. The truth is, I am so exhausted. Being a mom takes so much energy out of me - the last thing I want to do is plan my meals and get in a workout. But, I know that I need to stay healthy for myself, my daughter, and for my future. I will have more energy if my body is more healthy. I need to get back to a healthy place. 

I wish it weren't about a number on a scale. I will try and work on that - on being healthy, not skinny. 


  1. It's sad that it is about a number on the scale. For me, too. I try to look at ME and how my clothes fit and how I feel and look in pictures; but it always goes back to that darn number.

  2. I have loved the Fit Yummy Mummy program. In 15-20 minutes a day I get a great workout and she takes all the guesswork out of it. She also teaches you about the nonscale victories, it's about how you feel about your body, not the number on the scale! The FIt Yummy Mummy program helps me feel strong, because I have become strong!


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