5 Not-So-Expert Parenting Tips

I am not a parenting expert. Far from one. At the present moment, my one and only child is 7 months old. The extent of my "knowledge" only applies to about 5 of those months, if I account for sleep deprivation. However, I have had some friends in their final months of pregnancy who will look at me with inquisitive, scared eyes and ask what advice I can offer. My first instinct is to laugh... advice? I have no clue what I am doing. Oftentimes it feels as if I am surviving one day at a time.  

But, I did put some thought into what would be my top tips for new or expecting parents (from my very limited experience) and this is what I came up with. 

Love your child. 
Pretty self-explanatory. But, other than just knowing you love them - tell them and show them. Put down the phone when you are with them. Turn off the TV. Sing to them, make up silly songs. Shower them with hugs, kisses and cuddles. 

One day my sweet, cuddly baby will be a big kid who cringes when I tell her I love her as I drop her off at school and wipes away my kisses. I am choosing to always show and tell her that I love her so she doesn't have to question it, or believe that she somehow has to earn it. 

Get to know your child. 
When Ella was only weeks old, my husband and I observed that she really loved being on her belly and would fall asleep better when laid that way. So, we started letting her sleep in her crib on her belly during nap times, checking constantly to make sure she was still breathing. We decided to invest in a baby monitor which senses her movement and an alarm will go off if she stops moving or breathing. With this peace of mind, we started to let her sleep in her crib on her belly at night. Cue - better quality of sleep for all three of us. 

I am not saying this is the trick for all babies to sleep. What I am saying is, we paid attention to what our child was doing instead of strictly doing what all the parenting books/websites were insisting we do (we even have many pairs of pajamas and swaddle sacks embroidered with "back is best"). Once you start to pay attention to your child, some things may get a little easier.  

Co-parent teamwork
I know that this one may not apply to everyone, or it may apply in different ways for different people. For me, I consider myself very lucky to have my husband be an equal co-parent with me in raising our daughter. I will admit though, it has not always been easy. When Ella was born, my mothering instinct kicked in immediately. Everyday I was constantly tracking to make sure she ate, slept, and was cared for. I didn't realize that I had subconsciously taken on this responsibility as mine alone, and also that I functioned under the belief that my way would be the final say. This way of thinking came between Aaron and I when he would make suggestions or just act on his parental instincts and I didn't agree with him.

Luckily we figured this out early on and have been engaging in more co-parenting conversations. Aaron is an amazing father with great instincts. I am very lucky to not have to do this on my own - but I needed to learn to accept the help and embrace it. 

Build a parenting community to rely on. 
Whether or not you have a reliable co-parent to work with - everyone needs to have a parenting community. Whether it be family, friends, co-workers, or neighbors. I am lucky again with this one. I work with many parents with kids at all stages who can commiserate, give advice, and brainstorm. I also have a lot of friends with kids which helps for me. The other day I ran into a mom friend of mine and I started to share some insecurity about a parenting decision I had made, her immediate response to me was, "You made the right decision." I don't think she even let me finish lamenting, she just knew that I needed validation from another mom.

Honestly, the only reason this blog entry exists is because of all the advice and input from fellow parents. It takes a village they say, and I agree! I recently saw a formula commercial about all the different types of parents who can argue and bicker over the best ways to raise your child - but in the end they all had the children's best interests at heart. Isn't that the truth? We all want what is best for our children and that is enough for me to know that you are doing a good job, no matter what.  

Trust yourself. 

Though I have to work on applying all these tips to myself everyday, this is the one that I know I need to work on the most. I constantly am second-guessing myself. But the fact is, I am my daughter's only mother. At this point in her life, my husband and I know her better than anyone. Better than her doctor, better than her daycare provider, better than anyone. It is so easy to take a simple question from a stranger or a close friend and twist it into a criticism of your parenting. Trust your instincts. Take in the advice and if it doesn't apply, you can simply leave it. But, it is also important to be open to what people have to offer and try not to get defensive. I know, easier said than done. Did I mention this was the main thing I need to work on?

I hope you know that seeking out and reading a blog about being a better parent makes you a great parent.  You care, and that is all that matters.  You are doing a great job.